My former boss tells this story:
There once was a strong young man who challenged an old man to a contest of chopping wood. The young man was confident he would win because of his muscles and youth. The old man accepted the challenge so the contest began. The young man chopped the wood as fast as he could but he noticed the old man taking frequent breaks between his chopping. When the contest was over the old man won!
"How did you win?" asked the young man for he was very tired and confused.
The old man replied, "With each break, I sharpened my axe."
In my experience with grief I find myself taking breaks to sharpen my axe. I sleep more. Some days I eat more - or less - depending on how I'm feeling. I try to extend grace to myself when I have to cancel an engagement. I have to redefine what "normal" is now that these people are no longer in my here and now.
I've been reading that grief is one of the ways God helps us heal slowly and may I add, intentionally. He wants us to slow down and grieve. Don't rush through it. Don't try to tell yourself it's not real. Don't hide your feelings from those who want to help. Be real with yourself and others. Do it slow and steady, as God wants you to.
Some people, myself included, want to run through the grief like there's no weight on their shoulders. On the contrary, I feel so weighed down that it's often hard to accomplish any task or relationship during the day, sometimes during the week. I've been slowed down by something that isn't logical. I don't understand all the intricacies of grief. It baffles me that grief has such an effect on my physical energy and emotional steadiness. I think it's supposed to.
Jesus wept.
Nowadays, so do I.
