Five Days Before Thanksgiving

Is it hard to give thanks during a time of mourning?  Is it hard to give thanks during a time of grieving?  Is it hard to give thanks during a time of healing?  I believe it's hard but not impossible.  There are so many days throughout the year when difficulties arise.  There are less days when our boat gets rocked.  Still fewer days when we are drowning in sorrow.  Each day seems to get better then a wave hits our emotions and we are tossed in the air without warning.  My pastor calls this a rogue wave.  It's subtle fury is virtually undetected until you're in the throws of it. 

Then what?  Do we toss in the towel and call it quits?  Do we self-medicate so the pain isn't so raw?  Do we contemplate hurting ourselves to have tangible marks on our body to say to ourselves, "See?  I'm feeling pain."

There are several other ways to cope.  I've learned writing is the best way for me to express how I'm feeling no matter the circumstance.  It's harder to talk about, even with a trusted friend or therapist.  Sometimes I become so choked up I can't speak.  The lump in my throat is too big.  Then there are times I can't help but talk.  I often cry which still seems like a weakness.  It isn't so I have to bridge that chasm one tear at a time.

I pray for myself, that God will teach me how to grieve.  How to grieve the way he wired me up to grieve.  If it be with people let my discernment do the choosing.  If it be private let my solitude hear God's whispers.  Self-destruction is never a good choice (even if it's the most convenient) so I pray to be shown and given new tools in learning how to cope with loss.

I love the Lord with all my heart, soul, mind and strength.  I hope you do.  If not, I hope you do soon.

Amy

Picture God singing this to you: