Dear God,
What seemed like the end of the world last week has been surprisingly manageable today. When my thoughts and emotions lingered on Aaron's death I was saddened and angered at the same time. Grief is confusing, but then again, what troubles in this life aren't?
When I saw my therapist (Jeff) today we talked about the chasm between what we grew up knowing and what survival techniques we picked up learning how to manage our emotional roller coasters. The chasm starts out pretty wide. As we grow in maturity and through life's tough challenges, with a little help, we're able to reduce that chasm to a morsel instead of a mountain.
You've been teaching me that sorrow does not have to be taken out by cutting my body to shreds. I don't need the physical pain or the sight of my own blood to feel. I need to be on top of the depression, the fleeting thoughts of harm to my body and talk to those who are professionals or mature believers in Christ.
Taking it to You in prayer is another reminder of bringing You closer to me. Thank you for all the ways you love me. I am deserving of your love because Christ died on the cross for my sin and I've accepted His payment in full. Without you, there is no hope.
Thank you that Aaron made that decision. On this day, the seven month anniversary of his death, I'm reminded once again that he's with You. He has a new life free from pain, suffering and tears. No more huffing, no more of anything that was hurting him.
I miss him dearly, Lord. We all miss him. Please comfort us in our grief as we seek answers to questions that have no answer. I trust in You, Lord. Only You.
Love Amy Kathleen
