Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, "On Death and Dying". Below are the five major landmarks most of us will pass on our path to healing.
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Sorrow and Acceptance.
I'm learning I (and many others) do not feel those in that order. Sorrow seems to be the steady feeling thus far. Some anger but mostly sorrow. How can you lose so much in such a short amount of time and not feel sorrow? I get angry at what's happened - the deaths, the losses, the limitations - but it seems to hide the deep well of hurt and sorrow.
My posture is bent over, I hold the stress in my back which is trying to heal from major surgery six weeks ago today, my blood pressure is up, my appetite is down and all the while I ask God, WHY? I hear the echos in my head that tell me all the proper Christian answers but none of them bring me closer to my Heavenly Father. I am tired and I am weak.
I want to go home to be with Aaron, Maryla, Cathy, Smudge; to be completely healthy without pain or suffering; to be with my Abba Father; to be set completely free from this body and from this life. It's too difficult.
I am sad. I am burdened.
I have hope. I have help.
I grieve loss.
I suffer.
I am loved by God, my Everlasting Father.
Only He can help me through this until the bitter end.
For He is the one who created me and knows me by name.
