Not only have I lost people, health, job and pets but I lost my purity at the hand of an alcoholic. I was very young. I hid my sorrow deep within and vowed never to let it out. In 2006, I began the "mid-life" crisis. All of those sorrows began piling up all around me. There was no escape from the hurt all those pains caused.
Some of the signposts have been illegible; others have been as clear as a cloudless blue sky. Some have gray swirling clouds ready for tornado touchdown; others are as unreachable as clouds in the upper troposphere. Some signposts have words; others have pictures; and still others are yet to be written upon.
I've read that burn victims have a greater chance of dying from infection that gets below the burn rather than from the burn itself. In order to prevent this from happening the burn must be scrubbed regularly which causes the patient a great deal of pain. It's said to be one of the worst aspects of the healing process.
Scrubbing was not my thing. It never had been...until now. I have too much pain beneath the surface to continue ignoring its effects in all aspects of the life God has given me. It effects sleep, hunger, energy, mood and friendships. I've read the grieving process is not neat and clean. It takes time; often, lots of time. It is intensely painful and at times, gut-wrenching. We often feel numb, outraged and confused. But most of all, we feel hurt.
Jesus had his three, his twelve and the multitude. I've identified my three, almost have my twelve and the multitude is an ever changing group of people. Each relationship is different. I hope my three continue to grow with me and I with them. Each of us is evolving into who God created us to be. With all sincerity, I hope my three never leave. I love them very much and will forevermore.
Amy
