Anxieties that are causing chest pains, constant drowsiness that causes sleep, shaking of my body (mostly at night) when I am alone and there's nothing to do to stop it, fixation of my eyes for several seconds or minutes with no thoughts, pain in my low back from multiple discs removed 15 years ago, weakness in my legs from neurological disconnects (having to use my cane again), saying good-bye to friends of old when it was time, pursuing answers to questions that are still unresolved, and asking an old friend for help.
Trying not to depend on a heavy duty medication that is addictive in nature but the pull is very strong. Instead, trying to increase the medication just before that one to 2-3 times a day instead of once. Want to be brave and strong but my body needs me to be wise and use the drugs in a smart manner. The doctor trusts me - so can I.
Is this what life will be like? A series of medications, physical ailments, mental challenges and emotional pain? Yes, for a while until all of my helpers, including our Most High God and my own work, put my new self together to use for His glory and purpose.
Until then, I must hang in there and hang on.
