When a grieving heart is contrite and broken how does it know what to follow? How does it know who to trust? How can anything bring about healing and joy? These are the things I ponder.
Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
When I become overwhelmed by the depth of sadness I'm feeling suicide pops into my vulnerable head as an alternative to the pain I'm in. The darkness of no more light is tempting - that's the way Satan wants it. I'm reminded to turn those dark moments toward the face of God who is Light. The pain I feel is real and should never be shoved aside. The suicidal thoughts I have are real, too, and must not be shoved aside.
When professional help backfires it's important to remember the friends I have who are praying for me. I'm not responsible for another person's broken decision that directly effects me. Instead I have to stay on the path God has purposed for me at this time in my life. How I feel is not a surprise to Him like it is to me. He's been there and understands.
I reached out to my best friend over the weekend. We will share some time tomorrow where I can talk openly and candidly with her about how I'm feeling. I trust her implicitly knowing she'll take my broken heart and hold it gently in her hands. I'm safe in her presence.
I will follow God all the days of my life, praying for submission to His will and plans for my life.
